Friday, September 06, 2013

the boggart in my wardrobe

Today is day 4 of the Blogtember Challenge on Story of My Life!  Today's prompt ask that you tell, a story about a time you were very afraid.

I originally started this post by writing down the things I'm most afraid of...  There have been a few times I've been very afraid, but it is the anxiety I possess that causes most of my fear.  Of course this is a personal thing I am writing about, but maybe it will give a better understanding to those who don't experience severe anxiety.

I envy those who don't have to deal with it...

Anxiety is an awful emotional feeling to deal with.  Everyone deals with some sort of anxiety.  It hardly effects some, then there are others like myself where it can be debilitating.  I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember...

Anxiety is an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it (via).  Typically, my signs are feeling warm/hot, a fast heart rate, faint, claustrophobic and nauseous.  When I have really high anxiety I start to shiver.

The majority of the time it is something that I cannot control.  

When I'm stressed, my anxiety levels are much higher and I become a lot more sensitive to the situation.  It's almost as though my brain has taught itself to react this way.  It is as if my brain triggers on a past memory where I remember anxiety happening before.  For me, this happens prior to flying, crowded events (like concerts, fairs, etc), center aisles of the church pew (claustrophobic), feeling nauseous like I'm going to be sick (mostly why I don't drink alcohol), someone else (other than my husband or parents) taking me somewhere in a car, spending the night at someones house.  There are numerous reasons and times where I have suffered from anxiety...

When I find that I am having severe anxiety, I usually have to step away from everything and be alone and attempt to get it under control.  The first thing I do is pray for God to take it away and remind myself that He is in control.  One of the best medicines if I am home when the anxiety kicks in is for me to be in a quiet room and watch a TV show.  Most likely I am going to throw on a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episodes since I own all 10 seasons.  quiet is key.

To this day I still avoid doing certain things that I know cause anxiety.  Sometime I have to work really hard at letting that avoidance go as I don't want to miss out on life because of my anxiety.  Sometimes you just have to say YES.  You only live once, right?

I started to wonder what my boggart would look like?  I don't think it would be a dementor like Harry Potter's was, but do wonder what my boggart would be? (clip here)

"So the boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form.  He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door.  Nobody knows what a boggart looks like when he is alone, but when let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears." - Professor Lupin (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

"That suggests that what you fear most of all is - fear.  Very wise, Harry." - Lupin


  1. Thank you for writing this post. It is beautiful and insightful. I have recently (over the last year) been dealing with anxiety issues and it helps knowing that other people are out there dealing with them too . Also, I love the Harry Potter connection!


  2. Beautifully written. I completely understand - suffer from some of the same symptoms / triggers myself. And I do love any time a good HP quote can be thrown in... :)

    Clicked over from Blogtember!

  3. I can relate, absolutely. I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder my whole life. Mine is normally triggered when I think I'm going to throw up (it's my biggest fear). It's an awful feeling.

    What I find even more interesting, though, is that we both do the same thing right away when it comes on. I pray. I pray hard core when I feel it coming. God will get you through anything, and He wouldn't put you in any situation you couldn't handle.


  4. You should try acupuncture! I have treated so many patients with anxiety and I've seen amazing results!!!

  5. Anxiety runs high in Kev's family and I can already see Cullen developing some of it. I would have never guessed you are an anxious person, you seem so calm! It seems like you have a good handle on it though.

  6. There's so much the Harry Potter books taught us :) I loved the quote in the last picture: "Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity". I'm writing it down right now so I'll remember it.


little eloquent notes... ❤